Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Choo choo!

I'm pretty sure some of the train operator's take the Metro job for one reason--so they can say ALL ABOARD approximately 187 times per day. At each and every stop. They probably played with trains as kids, and this in some way is fulfilling a childhood fantasy, so who can blame them for taking advantage of what little joy they have in saying ALL ABOARD--it has to be a pretty boring and thankless job to drive those trains up and down a very limited track.

But there is now a Red Line driver that takes it to a new level. The black man has no interest in childhood train fantasies, oh no--he is an aspiring preacher in the charismatic movement I think. TD Jakes, eat your heart out.

"alright, alright ... yes yes yes. Welcome aboard the red line train. that's right, that's right. you all are looking GOOD today. Oh yes. It's going to be a Beeeautiful day, you Beeautiful people yes yes, that's right. Red hair, yellow black OR white ... I'm like a kid in a candy store, more candy, more candy, more candy, MORE candy. Our next stop is PERshing Square. that's right yes yes YES. Watch your step and have a JOYOUS day that is RIGHT."

Then he sometimes sings. Or continues to ramble/mumble until we get to the next stop. I keep expecting him to take up an offering.

But here's the funny thing--he's very quiet while people are getting on the train. Very quiet until he closes the doors and he has a captive audience. then BAM. the preaching begins.

I look around to my fellow passengers, expecting to see the amusement on their faces as well... but they all have completely blank expressions. Nothing. Nada. Hardened from the years of Metro travel I suppose.

I seem to be the only one laughing every morning, but that's okay. Yes yes, that's right. I WILL have a joyous day. alright. yes.

Monday, July 30, 2007

The ride of my life

Today I got on the bus at work to head home ... and it was completely empty. This is absolutely unprecedented--I stopped and literally thought I must have got on the wrong bus. Usually I ride with a bus full of 12 year olds on a 7-11 Slurpee buzz and have to stand for two or three stops until they all unload.

But today... no one. And no one was at ANY of the stops to be picked up. I got to the train station in under 10 minutes--usually it's a 15- 20 minute ride.

Aah yeah. I love the VIP life.
Booyah.

Monday, July 23, 2007

See you on the 2

"He's probably out trying to catch a F***ing bus out on Sunset right now!"
-Chef Ramsey after suddenly kicking Josh out of the kitchen and off of Hell's Kitchen.


Save me a seat, Josh.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Do the hustle

What kind of job (personality type?) does one have that require them to carry a Hustler Lingerie duffle bag as one's carry-on at a busy train station? hmm...

Model? Salesperson? Office on a street corner?

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Curse & Blessing

Well the curse of declaring publicly that something happens every single day is of course that it stops happening. This is both a blessing and a curse I suppose--a blessing that I haven't had too much mayhem this week, but a curse in that no mayhem makes for a rather uneventful blog atmosphere.

I did, however, learn recently that the train is a great place for fitness! That's right, one guy demonstrated for us all how you can do squats and calf raises in the aisle while you are commuting. Yep. Might I suggest not getting too close to a train-riding fitness guru? You might get kicked. Or worse.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The skinny



Something happens everyday on my way to work.

Every.
Single.
Day.

I guess the odds are stacked in my favor, what with my 90 minute (one-way) commute and the varied combination of trains and busses I take into Los Angeles ...

I have to hand it to the Los Angeles Metro system though. They spent some big bucks I'm sure to hire an amazing advertising agency to make them look very cool on the surface. Bubbly fonts on the cement walls say cute things like "You look great. Have you been going Metro?"

But then the rubber meets the road and a women appears out of nowhere approaching random people for train fare. When one woman ignores her, she suddenly starts running around in circles saying "little botox girl, little botox girl."

There's also the bus driver who stopped making the stops because he was too concerned with chasing down another bus driver who he didn't think was driving very well (irony anyone?) ... the bus driver who opened the door to shout at the Comcast guy to get some 411 on getting cable ... The train driver who parked the train at the station, left the driver's box and wandered off to God knows where while we all sat trapped in the train car for an undisclosed amount of time ...

Yep. This is my new life. And now, thanks to the magic (curse?) of the blog, you too can share in my daily (daily!) experiences.